Lucky year

Crazy how life goes sometimes. Last week I was so depress and anxious. I thought my life would be over because I lost someone really close to me. Not because the person died, but because of my actions. Last week, I was destroyed and didn’t believed in myself. I thought i was the worst person. I really wanted to die. 

But I didn’t. Instead I took the time to feel my emotions and think about everything, the relationship that i just lost, my past, my future, my family, my friends and myself. Was that how I wanted to live the rest of my life? Depress and scared of success? Anxious and always in my “comfort zone”? No. No, I want more than this. I want happiness and to reach my goals. I want to be proud myself, to wake up in the morning and feel complete. 

Also, spending time with my friend, who visited from Montreal, made me feel so much better! I realized that my life is not all negative. I have friend and family that loves me and I’m capable of so much if I only put my mind to it! I find that this is something that is so easy to forget when you go through bad moments!

That being said, today is my birthday! I’m 22 years old! My mother says that it’s a lucky day for me. It’s the fist time since my birth that my birthday is on a monday. Also, it’s the holy month of ramadan and finally, there’s a rare strawberry moon. I think that it’s more reasons for me to push to get what I want in life. MY year starts today!

A.N.

Good vibes

Before you say "Anita, you said that you would write more often and you didn't!" I KNOW! Unfortunately for me, I came accross some problems with my landlord  and was under a LOT of stress for a month or so. Anyway, now that I moved to an other place downtown Toronto and that I finally started school in my dream program, I have to say that I'm happy because I feel like things are starting to fall into place in my life. I still need to find a job so I can start a "proper" change in my eating habits. Not that I haven't made changes in the way i eat but I need a bigger budjet to be able to keep it consistant during the day. What I mean by that is that usually usually, in the morning I eat fruits with a cup of tea with some fresh lemon slices in it and water infused with lemon. The  problem is that as soon as I get out of my house and arrive at school, I buy something at Tim Hortons or Second Cup. Which, I think, wouldn't happen if I have snacks/meals with me or if I ate something more filling at home. I have to admit that I need more protein in my diet! That's why I bought a lot of stuff at the grocery store! I made a menu of the healthy meals that I want to try this week and I can't wait to try them!

Anyway, like I was saying, that little problem can be solved by the source of income that a job brings! I only  applied to my dream retail job, so far, but I will definitely apply to other job this week. I keep my finger crossed that they will call me soon though! In the meantime, there's a thing that I need to work on and it's working out. Because of the stressful environment that I was living in (and let's add some laziness into it), I haven't worked out in a while. I do have my workout DvDs with me but no DvD player (damn you Macbook Air)! I'm well aware that It's no excuse for me not to have been exercising since I moved to my new place, but..yeah. It's never too late, right? 

Changing subject, I am beyond happy with my courses and I can't wait to meet and get to know new people! I've been feeling really lonely those past two months and ,I know it might sound lame, but I just can't wait to make friends and have a normal social life! It also help that I have 4 roommates, around the same age as me! We are suppose to be six in total but one room is empty. They all seem nice and I have a good feeling about the whole experience!

I have a good vibe from everything and i haven't felt so positive and in control in a long time and really I can't find the words to express how good it feels. It is actually funny to me I'm writing this has if someone is going to find these ordinary details and thoughts about my life interesting but I don't care because it's nice to share them. Even if it ends up that my supportive boyfriend and I are the only ones reading them. I just hope that one day I'll look back at my old posts and be proud of how far I've came!

Alright, I'll stop rambling, haha! Thank you for taking the time to read that long ass post, whoever you are and remember, everything is possible, you just have to set your mind to it!

Living doesn't mean that you are alive. Refuse to just exist!

A.N.

What if..?

I'm a daydreamer, always have been and probably always will be..and it's great! The only thing is that I don't do much to make those dreams come true. Well I think the first step is to get oujt of my comfort zone. I'm going to do all I can to turn that feeling of failure into a feeling of proudness and joy! Like I said in n other post, I'm tired of waisting my time. I'm tired of asking myself  " what if..?". What if I was comfortable and hapy with my body? What if I made my business idea into an actual business? What if I was more organized? What if I had a job? What if I sucessful in what I put myself to because I actually give everything I got? 

There's only way to know the answers. Get off my lazy ass and fight for what I want! That starts today, I did all I had to do, plus I'm here writing while listening to some Adele! Tomorrow, I'm going to Montreal for the weekend and I'm planning on working out, eating healthy, write and just enjoy people around me! I'll bring back my yoga mat and protein shakes with me. Your girl ain't playing anymore! I have to say that it feels pretty damn good to have a plan that comes with the dreaming. I'm also going to do some copy of my resume so I can go for a job huntg again next week. Wish me luck! Of course I will update you on everything! 

A.N.

Fashion Discoveries

I love to discovers cool & unique stuff, especially when it comes to fashion! That's what I came across at winners last weekend! Some black booties but not any kind..These booties are everything! Now they are more on the pricy side but I do believe that investing in quality basics makes a big difference in a wardrobe. They are by Maria Brotons (I couldn't find a website or anything about that brand really) and they are made in Spain. They're all leather, even the sole!

 I absolutely love the heel! From the back it look like it's stiletto but then you look at the from the side and BAM the are not!

Also the pointy front add some lenght to your legs and make it more chic. They can be paired with an all black ensemble, a pair of blue washed jeans or even a dress/skirt! It's a very versatile piece and definitely a must-have! Anyway, these are my new babies! I literally can't wait to wear them!

A.N.

Weight loss & Body acceptance

As most of you know, I am currently on a weight loss journey and lately it's been hard for me because I don't seem to find the boost that I need to really get into it. I've been eating good since I'm in Toronto but I don't exercice..idk..I want to do more but I always find excuses when it's time for action. Also I've been having some trouble with my body image and acceptance. Although I lost 7lbs so far since I'm away from home! I still feel like I could've do more, y'know?  Having a history of ED, I know those kind of thoughts can be dangerous for me so I'm ttrying really hard to focus and to not worry about all that. I can do this! 

I'm still on the hunt of job (something else I should put more efforts into!) and as soon as I get one I'm thinking about going on a juice cleanse for about a week. I believe it will be good for me. I'll probably try to be vegetarian/vegan after it or have a mostly vegan diet, I'm not sure yet. I'll go with the flow! I'm already doing my best to eat a lot more veggies and fruits and I'm not going to lie, I feel great! Today is thanksgiving in Canada so I'm off to my boyfriends house to stuff my face with some turkayy and pie, I litterally can't wait because I know that my diet will be strict when I go back home tomorrow night! No more fooling around, I'm ready to kick my own butt!  

A.N.

Update & Cupcakes

I haven't really had time to update you guys since I arrived in Toronto (almost) two weeks ago. I know, it's already been two whole weeks!! I love the city, even tho I've only been downtown with my best friend once. I'm planning on exploring more this weekend tho. I would definitely try my best to take cool pictures! I'm currently job hunting because Toronto is a pretty expensive place and I want to be able to pay for my phone and a gym membership! I really want to be more healthy like I said before and I'm actually doing good since I've been living away from home because I actually choose healthy food. I did bought a little box of cupcakes but I feel like i deserved it haha. Anyway, I really can't wait to see more of this amazing city and meet amazing people!

A.N.

More than ready...

Oh boy! It's been so long since I wrote something! To be honest I dont have a real excuse for that. I'm the type of person that will start something, get frustrated and bored when things are not going like I want to and then just abandon everything. I'm trying really hard to kick my own butt to keep doing what I like even when I'm not where I want to be. And let me tell you: I love writing!

Anyways, as you may have seen on my last video, I'm moving to Toronto in two weeks and sincerely I can't tell you guys how much this new start is needed! I need to reinvent myself, grow and expand my horizons! Here in Montreal I don't go out of my comfort zone or very rarely and I think that by actually leaving everything behind will push myself to get out of my shell and to explore the world if I may say. I'm tired of being the girl who doesn't do much, who doesn't have anything to say when people ask "so what's new with you". This is not where I want to be in life. I have goals, dream, aspirations. I want to be active! Wake up early, have a day full of exploring, learning and meeting new people. Live a healthy lifestyle. Obviously to achieve all of that I need to make choices and sacrifices. To tell you the truth I am more than ready!

A.N.